


When Two Werewolves Love Each Other Very Much

by AnonEhouse



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-05
Updated: 2015-11-05
Packaged: 2018-04-30 04:46:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5150777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/pseuds/AnonEhouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which the good guys live happily ever after.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When Two Werewolves Love Each Other Very Much

**Author's Note:**

> I've never seen Teen Wolf, but after an extended binge of reading TW fic (assorted by kudos, I went through the first 78 pages of AO3 returns) I had the urge to write something. So this is entirely fanon based, and any resemblance to the actual show is slight.

_(If you are reading this on any PAY site this is a STOLEN WORK, the author has NOT Given Permission for it to be here. If you're paying to read it, you're being cheated too because you can read it on Archiveofourown for FREE.)_

"No, no, bad touch!" Stiles yelled, flailing, but it was too late, Peter had already bit him. ADHD was a bitch. Stiles didn't Pass Go after working his way around the board like a normal newly bitten were, but went directly into Lon Chaney mode. Still flailing. His claws were sharper than a kitten's but a whole lot longer.

"Oh, shit," Stiles said, looking down at the beheaded werewolf lying on his feet, and the blood clinging to his claws. He edged his feet out from under Peter, found a mirror and stared into it. "MY GOD, my moles are hairy. Gross." He blinked his ruby red eyes and went back to Peter's corpse. "Wood chipper and feed the strays," he said thoughtfully. "No. We don't want to wind up with a mutt-wolf pack." He picked up Peter's head and stared into the surprised eyes. "Yorick! I knew him well, a fellow of infinite jest and wit!" He tossed the head into a trash barrel and went into a victory dance. "He Shoots and Scores!"

 

"Barbecue, barbecue, we're gonna have a mess o' momma's barbecue," Stiles warbled happily to himself as he poked up the fire around Peter, watching that the flames didn't get out of control but stayed in the cleared patch near the burnt out Hale house. Fortunately, Peter was, had been, far too stylish to wear polyester, so everything burned sweetly, with a strong smell of roast pork. "Yo, Derek! I know you're lurking there, being a lurking thing." And then, just because he could, Stiles gave an Alpha roar. And coughed. "That tickles."

Derek emerged from the house, shoulders hunched and wary. "What happened?"

"I'm the ALPHA!" Stiles grinned at Derek. "And you're not."

"Oh, shit," Derek said.

 

"Oops," Stiles said when he punched a hole in Jackson's locker. He let his eyes go red. "Accidents happen to people who threaten my friends. Leave Scott alone."

Jackson did his human best to snarl. "I'll tell..." but then he was strangling, because Stiles had picked him up by his collar.

"It's Revenge of the Nerds time, Jackson. If I turned you, you'd be at the bottom of the pack order. If you didn't, like, DIE." Stiles lisped around his fangs. "Ith potthible, thatithics thay thome don't make the cut."

"What?"

Stiles rolled his eyes and put away his fangs. "Statistics. One in ten DIE from the bite. And I'm pretty sure the odds are worse if the Alpha doesn't like you." He dropped Jackson.

Jackson puffed up again. "Give me the bite and I'll take my chances."

Stiles shrugged. "Well, you're pretty enough to be the new pack bicycle. Meet me after school and bring plenty of lube."

"Wait! What? Scott never mentioned that! Never mind, fuck it!" Jackson stomped away.

 

Derek drove up to the school, glaring as Stiles and Scott piled into his car. "Feet off the dash, Stiles," Derek growled.

"I'm the Alpha!" Stiles said cheerfully. "That means I get to drive the Camaro!"

"No." Derek snarled. 

Stiles leaned over and stuck his nose against Derek's neck. "All your base are belong to me."

Scott giggled, while Derek swatted uselessly at Stiles. 

 

"You have HOW much money, and you're living in rubble?" Stiles flailed, but Derek had learned to duck, so the claws passed harmlessly through his hair, creating a new style. "We're building a pack clubhouse."

"I don't want a pack clubhouse." Derek crossed his arms over his chest and scowled.

"With real beds." Stiles licked Derek's neck. "All the better to fuck you with, my dear."

"No." But Derek's voice wavered.

"I'm the Alpha," Stiles said smugly.

 

 

"You're putting on weight," Stiles said, prodding Derek in the belly, after christening one of the new king size beds in the clubhouse. "How? Don't I give you enough exercise?"

Derek grunted and pulled the pillow over his head. "It's all your fault," he mumbled.

"What?" Stiles poked Derek's belly again. "Must be jelly, cuz jam don' shake lak dat."

Derek groaned. "You made me the last of my pack."

"Well, excuse me. Peter had it coming to him." Stiles sounded hurt. "He was a bad wolf-apple."

"Yeah," Derek sighed, and then he sniffled.

Stiles lifted the edge of the pillow. "You're crying! Derek! You have FEELS!"

"Shut. Up," Derek said, and then he really did burst into tears.

"EEE!" Stiles flailed and then grabbed his cellphone. "I'll call Deaton! You must be really sick."

"I'm PREGNANT!" Derek wailed.

"Oh, shit." Stiles dropped the phone. "I think I'll just have a nice little panic attack now. I'm TOO YOUNG to be a teenage father!"

Derek gave him a glare. 

 

"Ok," Scott said while watching Derek morosely eat pecan ice cream sprinkled with stir fried shrimp. "So, like, since Derek is the last of his born wolf bloodline, now he can... like... have babies?" His voice rose to a squeak.

"Yep! Since I wasn't biting a lot of people, except for you know, people who needed it, like Erica and Isaac, the pack wasn't growing much and... voila, ancient survival genes kicked in," Stiles said, looking at Derek with big, hopeful eyes. "More shrimp, babe?" he asked Derek.

Derek snarled at Stiles.

"So. That's... nice?" Scott said, getting up and easing back towards the door. "I'll tell the others. We'll... um... have a baby shower?"

"Puppy," Derek said into his ice cream. 

"Yeah," Stiles said. "You know, cuz, it's got to come out..." He flailed his claws. Derek and Scott ducked. "And puppies fit better. At least, that's the way Derek's mom explained it."

"Derek's mom," Scott said. "I thought, isn't she..."

"They're ghosts. They all moved into the clubhouse, except Peter, he's in the doghouse out back." Stiles said airily. "They're watching over us."

"Oh." Scott nodded as if he understood.

"Really, didn't you notice how good things are going? Supernatural baddies are no match for grandma ghost wolf and her pack." Stiles opened a bottle of prenatal vitamins and put one on top of Derek's ice cream. Derek scowled, but he ate it.

Scott nodded again.

"And since you're training as a vet, you get to deliver the baby," Stiles said brightly.

"Oh, shit," Scott and Derek said in unison.


End file.
